17 Fun Things To Do When You’re Single

  1. Find a cookbook and cook everything in it. Journal about your experience. (Think Julie & Julia). Donate the food you don’t eat.
  2. Start a travel blog. Write about your hometown or travel to other places just for fun.
  3. Go to a restaurant and order one of each dessert. Eat it for dinner.
  4. Teach yourself to paint or something else crafty that you don’t know how to do.
  5. Join a pool league. If you don’t know how to play, don’t worry they’ll teach you. APA league is best for beginners.
  6. Find a “Challenge” online that interests you. Join and complete the challenge. Write about your experience.
  7. Raise money for a good cause. Lots of charities need help. This will give you something to do and will help others. Win-Win.
  8. Volunteer your time. Find a charity you believe in and volunteer a few hours a week. Trust me, they’ll thank you for it.
  9. Go to an art gallery. Pretend you own the art. Write what you would tell people about “your art.”
  10. Live your life. Remember you have no one to make apologies to, so do what you want and what you enjoy. You’ll have more exciting stories when you do meet someone.
  11. Find a famous person that interests you. Read every book you can about that person.
  12. Take a walk and describe the life story of the 5th person you see.
  13. Go on a random road trip. Stop at every tourist trap you see.
  14. Have a dinner party for your family. Feed them a recipe from the book you chose for option 1.
  15. Go for a walk. Put only one artist you’ve never heard of in your playlist. List your favorite songs.
  16. Every day for 30 days take a picture with one random person.
  17. Adopt a dog. Train it to be a therapy dog. Take your new dog to a nursing home and visit the residents.
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Love Yourself First

So, I started talking to this guy, and we hit it off immediately. He’s a nerd like me, he likes a lot of the same television shows and movies as me, and he’s easy to talk to…..

Here’s the problem. He wanted a serious relationship from the start, and I didn’t.

He was talking about my being his girlfriend before we even went on our first date, was talking about how much his mom was going to love me (for the record, she didn’t really, but that’s another story) and how happy we would be together. All of this before I had met him in person. We met online, and I wanted to take things slow. I’ve moved too quickly in other relationships, and they all ended badly. So I wanted to make sure my next relationship I did things right. I wanted to make sure that whoever I started dating allowed me to be myself (which he did, to a point) and allowed us to build a foundation of friendship before moving into the relationship stage.

Unfortunately for said guy, he pushed things a little too fast. The day after I met his mom, he wanted to make us “Facebook official” which I allowed, but then he did a couple things that, to me, were disrespectful because they belied things he had told me before we became a couple, and were things I told him I wasn’t ready for. I ended up having to get really firm with him about it because after I asked him not to do a certain thing, he did it anyway.

Girls, first and foremost, respect yourself enough not to tolerate disrespect from any guy. If he can’t accept you for who you are, then he is not worthy of you. Period. No woman should ever tolerate disrespect. It doesn’t matter what the subject is. If he is not willing to respect your feelings about ANYTHING, you do not have to accept that. Now, obviously I’m not talking about your being a murderer, because seriously if he’s ok with your being a murderer, he might need his head examined. Depending on who you murdered of course.

As it turned out, I was not ok with being disrespected. The particular act of what he did wasn’t as important as his blatant disregard for my feelings. You do NOT have to accept that. My feelings about what he did ate me up inside for 2 whole days before I finally decided to let him go. The major turning point that made me realize things weren’t going to go anywhere is when he compared me, negatively, to his ex-wife. Any man who does that is a shithead. Period. I understand when people have certain issues because of things that exes have done (I have my fair share of them, the most important of which is my phone is off limits. I had a guy phone check me all the time. If you can’t trust me to have my privacy, we don’t belong together), but outright saying, “My ex did that, so you can’t do it,” is bullshit. Instead, say something like “You know, that really bothers me. Can we discuss a compromise?” Which would have been FINE with me.

Final thought ladies….

Don’t let a man disrespect you. You are perfect the way you are, and if you have to stay single to show the world that, then do it. You don’t need a man to be complete. You especially don’t need a man who disrespects you just so you don’t have to be alone. Alone doesn’t mean lonely, and it doesn’t mean you’re broken. Until next time, lovelies!

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Single and….Stupid?

Have you ever felt like no one takes you seriously because you’re single? You can’t POSSIBLY have opinions that are valuable, because you obviously don’t have your life together! I’m here to tell you that those people that (not purposely) are making you feel that way are WRONG!!! They probably aren’t doing that on purpose, and some of it (if you’re anything like me) is your own negative self talk making you feel that way.

I have worked hard to be ok with being single, and I will admit I’m not quite where I want to be mentally, because I’m constantly bombarded with all these societal rules and regulations that say I have to be in a relationship or I’m broken somehow. But I’m determined to be ok with it, because I know that somehow everything is going to work out like it’s supposed to. If I’m meant to be in a relationship I will be, and I will be happy. But in order to be happy with someone else, I must first be happy with myself.

I know I’ve repeated myself before, but I’ll say it again and again until it sticks…YOU ARE NOT BROKEN!!! Being single means a lot of things, but it is NOTHING negative! You have an opportunity that others have probably taken advantage of, or never got a chance to. You have the chance to build the life YOU want! You don’t have anyone to answer to, you don’t have others’ choices to take into consideration. You have YOU to think about, and that, my friend, is a wonderful thing. It’s a POWERFUL thing.

But back to my initial point. I’ve felt like my opinions don’t matter because I’m a young single woman. I have felt like I don’t have anything productive to contribute because I’m a young single woman. But this isn’t true. No matter what I feel, I know that I DO matter, and my opinions ARE important. Not everyone is going to agree with me, or with my ideas, but that doesn’t matter, because out there someone WILL agree, and will see me for the powerful creature that I am. Until that happens, I will continue to foster grand ideas, and carry unimaginable power, because I am single. Hear me roar.

 

Exclusive Friends With Benefits? Yeah, Right.

Is it possible to be exclusive friends with benefits? In my opinion, No. It’s not possible, because the guy will always want less than he’s getting, and the girl will always want more. I say all of this because I was in this exact same situation. I was seeing this guy, and while he was always up front about what he wanted, I found myself always wanting more. He wanted all the benefits of a girlfriend without ANY of the commitment. I have so many opinions about why he felt this way, but the bottom line is, it wasn’t enough for me.

If I get into another relationship, I want it to be an actual relationship. I won’t be a “Plan B” for anyone, especially myself. I am a Plan A girl, and I deserve the best. I deserve to be the girl who has the guy shouting from the rooftops that he wants me, only me, and I’m the only girl for him.

Sadly, the guy that I was with? Said all those things, but his actions belied his words. He didn’t put feet behind his words. He said he wanted only me, but then he would disappear for days on end, then expect things to be exactly the same when he decided to show back up. Eventually I got sick of it. It took a while, because I honestly believed that God had brought him into my life for a reason. Maybe the reason was to show me real love, and I somehow screwed it up, or maybe the reason was to show me (again, for like the billionth time) what I won’t accept. Either way, I had to let him know today that we are no longer friends with benefits. Just friends.

You know what? He actually argued with me. He told me that’s not what he wanted. But he still wouldn’t tell me that he wanted a relationship with me. He just didn’t want things to change. He wanted me to stay tied to him for some sick attachment reason, but he wasn’t willing to give me what I need. So I had to let him go. Am I happy about it? Not really, but I know this is what I deserve. I deserve someone who wants to commit to me, because I deserve it. I want someone who wants to shout from the rooftops and show me off because he can’t believe he actually got someone like me. I am an awesome chick, and until I get the things I deserve, I will continue to stay single.

If you are in any type of relationship where you don’t feel you are getting what you need, don’t be afraid to talk to your man about it. Women are emotional creatures, and we need emotional support. If your man isn’t willing or able to give you what you need, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. You deserve the best, but sometimes the best comes from inside you. You are amazing and you are awesome. Don’t ever forget that.

Does Being Single Mean You’re Broken?

Absolutely not. You are beautiful just the way you are.

In a society that says we MUST be in a relationship to “complete” ourselves, it can be very easy to consider ourselves broken because we either haven’t found the right one yet (like me), or we found someone and it didn’t work out (like most of you). But I want to tell you, you are NOT broken! You are not damaged. You are perfect. You may have issues, but who of us doesn’t? I admit, I want to find true love. I want to find that person that will walk beside me during life, and help me raise a family. But does that mean that because I haven’t found him yet, that I am somehow “wrong?” No. So many women in history have walked life alone (no partner) and have made it just fine.

imagesMy favorite example is Queen Elizabeth, or “The Virgin Queen.” She never married, even though she had relationships with men, because she knew she didn’t need a man to complete her, and she didn’t want to give up the power that she knew she owned all by herself. She managed to run a COUNTRY, by herself, because she knew she could.

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Another great example of a classic woman doing it alone is Louisa May Alcott. Have you ever read “Little Women?” Louisa wrote it, and while the characters she wrote about ended up getting married, Louisa never did. She stated, “I would rather paddle my own canoe.” I love that.

Charlize_Theron_Cannes_2015_2Charlize Theron is one of my favorite leading ladies in Hollywood. And guess what? She’s single. She’s been in plenty of relationships, but has never gotten married. Instead, she chose to go her own way, and become a single mom. She adopted a couple kids, and she’s perfectly happy doing it herself.

 

 

So if you think that you have to be in a relationship in order to be happy, think again. Do what makes you happy, but never think you’re “Broken” if you’re single. Embrace everything about you that makes you YOU, and go it alone if you have to, but be happy doing it. Cheers!

What do you know you can do, and you know you don’t need a man’s help to do it? What is your single superpower? Share in the comments below!

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To The Men Who Broke My Heart….I’m Sorry

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I couldn’t be worth the effort you put out for me. Now I know I’m worth much more than that.

I’m sorry I couldn’t be the perfect shining light you thought I was. I’m more like a fireworks explosion anyway.

I’m sorry I felt I had to nag you for attention. I won’t do that again.

I’m sorry for actually wanting to spend time with you. I get like that sometimes.

I’m sorry I always wanted to have a full conversation about stuff. It’s ok. Those half conversations we used to have? Better anyway. Takes away that pesky sense of closure people are always bitching about.

I’m sorry I allowed you to take me for granted. I’m going to work on that.

I’m sorry you couldn’t see what you had with me before you lost me. I’m sorry you didn’t realize you had someone who would love you like no other.

I’m sorry I settled for less than I was worth. I deserve the best, and I will wait for the best. I am happy being single until that happens.

I’m sorry that you lost me to someone who realizes my value: Myself. Don’t worry though. I’ll treat me awesome.

I will never apologize again. I have realized that by apologizing for being myself, I started to lose myself. I am far too worthy to let that happen again.

You never deserved me anyway. I just didn’t realize it at the time. I’m learning though. I now know what I’m truly worth, and it’s more than what you had to offer.

 

 

Single Friendships are Important Too

When you’re Single, It’s sometimes hard to be friends with people who aren’t. This is not unusual. Most couples like to hang out with other couples. This gives them something in common, and a sense of camaraderie. This doesn’t make your friendships with that couple any less important, however. It’s likely that if a couple that you’re friends with ignores you or leaves you out of things, They aren’t trying to hurt You, they likely just don’t know how to relate to you anymore.

I actually live this situation ALL THE TIME. I seem to really be the only single person in my group of friends. I struggle on a daily  basis not to just “settle” for someone so that I can be in a couple and suddenly be able to relate to my not single friends more. Just so you know, though, this thinking is incorrect and troublesome. Putting yourself in a situation to potentially be unhappy just so you can potentially be happy in another situation is confusing and wrong. Confusing because how do you know you’re really happy in your relationship? Are you just happy with the idea of being with someone so that you don’t have to be alone, or are you choosing someone based on your actual compatibility?

I hope it’s that second choice. Never, and I mean NEVER, try to make it work with someone just so you can suddenly relate to your friends in couples. I’ve tried it, and it doesn’t work. You will be happier if you learn to relate to people as people, and not because they’re either a couple or not. I have noticed that since I have chosen this approach, my relationships and my friendships have become much healthier. When you relate to someone based on whether they are in a relationship and you’re not, you might subconsciously resent them for having something you don’t. This is dangerous because your behavior will then reflect your thoughts and your mindset, and you could be damaging and sabotaging those friendships for no reason.

This takes a lot of self reflection, but it is possible to learn how to keep from damaging your friendships. If you need help, or just need someone to talk to, leave a comment below, or message me on Facebook. I’m not a therapist, but I have ears and I’m always willing to help a friend out. Don’t forget to share me with your other friends!!

The 3 Most Dangerous Words in The English Language

“I miss you.”

These three words can bring up such a range of emotions, that they are hugely dangerous. When someone says them to you, you can feel anger, disappointment, sadness, happiness, joy or peace. This makes them very dangerous, because you feel them even when you don’t want to. When you have been so broken that you decide to shut everything off, and focus on everything BUT how broken you are, these three words bring back all the memories you wish you could hide forever.

These words can be awesome. When you hear them from someone you haven’t seen in a long time, and you’re reminded of all the good times you had, these words can be amazing. But those same words can bring back the memories of the loss, and the brokenheartedness, and the sadness that losing someone caused.

I’ve been in this position more often than I care to admit. I’ve gained and I’ve lost, and you know what I’ve learned? I’ve learned that gaining is amazing, and losing sucks, but what really matters are the memories you gain in between. Everyone is brought into your life for a reason. Maybe that reason is to show you what you DON’T want out of this life, and maybe the reason is to show you what to ask for in your next life.

So instead of focusing on the gaining and losing parts, start focusing on the memories in between. Because that’s where real happiness lies. Those memories are a part of you now, and you choose how they fit into your life. You can choose to allow them to break you, or you can choose to allow them to make you grow as a person. The choice is yours. Choose wisely.

Don’t forget to share me with your friends, and follow me on Facebook 🙂 Until next time, Darlings!

Establish Your Self-Worth

I want you to do something for me 🙂 I want you to make a list of 5 of your favorite things about yourself. This is not things that OTHER people like about you. These are things you like about YOURSELF. This will help you establish your self worth, and help remind you that you actually like yourself, and that your worth is not determined by what other people think of you.

To get you started, here are my 5 things:

  1. My eyes. I love my eyes. I love how long my eyelashes are, and I love trying different colors of eyeshadow and eyeliner to make my eyes look different and exotic.
  2. My feet. I actually think my feet are cute. My toes are a good length and my feet are a good size. It’s hard to find shoes, because I actually have average sized feet, but I think they’re cute.
  3. My personality. I crack myself up on a regular basis, because I have a weird personality, and I find things funny that other people don’t usually. This gives me a unique view of the world, and I love that about myself.
  4. My intelligence. I love how smart I am. I don’t always have the best common sense, but my grammar and spelling skills are out of this world. Being able to give someone the correct spelling of a word when they ask is actually gratifying for me.
  5. My compassion. This sometimes gets me in trouble, because I empathize WAY too much sometimes. But my compassion has really served me well in my career and life, so it’s one of my favorite things about myself.

Ok, your turn. List them in the comments below, and let’s share what we love about ourselves! Remind yourself that your self worth is not dependent on what other people think of you. Your self worth is just that: SELF worth 🙂 Can’t wait to see your lists!

Don’t forget to share me with your friends on Facebook and Twitter. I’d love to connect with all of you!

Until next time Darlings!

 

For The Recently Single

“He turned into someone I didn’t know anymore.”

Have you said this about an ex boyfriend? I think we all have. You might have even said it about your most recent ex. But what does that mean? Do you really think you knew him all that well to begin with? Lemme tell you something….men don’t change. They all have an asshole inside them somewhere. Sometimes you see that person right away, in which case there is no second date, or it takes years. But a man always shows that side of him. Your choice, unless he is abusive in any way, is to decide if that side is one you can live with. If you can’t, then end it right away. No point in wasting your time with someone with whom you have no future.

Women have been conditioned to believe that when a man is an asshole, it is somehow her fault. She brought it out in him. IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. Don’t for one second believe it. Just as every woman has a bitch in her, every man has an asshole. When a woman goes nuts on a guy, you don’t hear everyone asking, “what did he DO!?!” You tend to always blame the woman. We all do it. Society has blinded us to the actual equality we are privy to. Do not blame yourself.

Do not for one second believe that if a man is an ass to you, it somehow says something about your worth. It says more about him than it does you. Maybe he hasn’t been raised to respect women, or maybe he’s scared. Men turn into assholes when they’re scared of getting too vulnerable. This says NOTHING about you, and everything about him.

I thanked someone recently for doing something nice for me. I was expressing gratitude because what he did made me feel special. His response? “I would actually do that for anyone.” Which I’m fairly sure in his mind was meant to reassure me that he is just a helpful person. What I heard? “You’re actually not special, so don’t get your hopes up about anything.” This is bull. That little voice in my head was lying a big fat lie, and I was almost stupid enough to believe it. Almost. Took a couple days of convincing myself, but I came to realize that what he said and how I took it were two different things, and it said nothing about my worth. My worth is based on how I feel about myself, and how God feels about me. No other opinion matters as much as those two.

Hope you liked this post. If you did, please share with your friends on Facebook and Twitter 🙂 Leave me a comment below too. I’d love to connect with you!! Until next time Darlings!!